Today I've witness two amazing people step up to the thrones of Tir Righ and two awesome people step down. The four of them are all great inspirations and I look up to them on so many angles.
I did it! I've acheived one of my goals! I starting fighting rapier, got authorised (on the 11th of February) and today I fought in my first rapier tournament! I think I did pretty good, for a very newbie. I've surpassed my goal of not being one shotted and as a bonus, I had a kill! It was a double kill, but it still a kill and I'm ceazy proud of that. Now, let's work on getting better and eventually get recognised.
I switched armours right after and did heavy. The scary thing is that my mind wasn't there. I felt scared and that's not normal. There's nothing scary about heavy. My warm-up was buttery and I felt like a total looser that didn't deserve the privilege of holding a sword. I felt like a total failure. So I retreated and took a few moments to slow things down in my brain. I put my helm on and kept repeating to myself that I was doing this for me and me alone. I wanted to forget that I knew anyone on the field. I wanted to forget that people could judge, if I sucked, I sucked and if I didn't well good. The fear left. I stopped being buttery and I fought well. I fought for myself and I felt like I only had myself to impress. I fought fairly well. I'm ok with what I did on the field and I feel no shame.
So it was a good day. I still want to know what triggered the fear, because that's not normal... there's nothing scary with heavy fighting. So I need to keep an eye on that. I own fear, I do not let fear own me. This will not happen again.
Now I'm done. Like done done. I soak in the tub and will hit the bed real soon.
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