The shieldmaiden picked up a spear

Vápnum sínum skal-a maðr velli á feti ganga framar.

I'm exhausted, and that's awesome.
When I first starting fighting, I wanted to fight with great weapons. Yes, I like sword fighting and yes I have a shield obsession but, there's just something empowering about great weapons. The finesse and agility of a well seasoned great weapon fighter is pure art. Aggressive and blood thirsty art.

I haven't had much success at training with great weapons until recently, I did play around a bit in the past but nothing too in depth. Today, I fought with my spear and it was epic (from my point of view, at least). I realise that this is just the beginning and that I'm very clumsy and still learning how to hold my weapon, but it felt good. I know that this journey is going to be a very long and very hard one and that's what draws me to it. Easy is not fun. It's not as rewarding. I like how aggressive and how personal great weapon fighting can be. I like how demanding it is. This path will also teach me patience and pacing. It will force me to have a healthier lifestyle. I've already started to go to the gym in order to up my cardio and build strength. I'm changing my diet, adapting to what my body needs.
I've been seeing a chiropractor 2-3 times a month and been getting active release. That alone is a pretty amazing feat. I feel strong and I'm ready to get stronger. It's funny how one hobby can become a lifestyle and how a lifestyle can force you to own your life back and kick your fears in the junk.

Double Awesomeness

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I feel that I've grown (at least inside... still very much vertically challenged).

 I saw a doctor for my various injuries. Got some things put back into place. It was challenging but I'm happy that I had no panic attack and was quite comfortable with him. This is a huge milestone for me. To have a doctor physical handle me and control my body never went well in the past. Never. Either me or him/her ended up hurt and I usually end up restrained in some way or another. So that was a big step towards vanquishing my demons. It's all for fighting, I need to keep telling myself that I'm letting the doctor touch me to help me heal so I can learn how to fight.
Everything. Is. About. Fighting.

I went to the practice down in Borealis, it was epic. Got two moments where all came together. Two separate instances where my brain decided to understand. One is awesome, two is freaken apogee. I haven't had one of those moments in months. It's awesome to still be able to learn and understand even without fighting. Although, I still wish I could've fought but.. being mature about this and not even sorry!

 In the last few years, I had a good amount of people ask me why I fight. Why I keep going back. Today was a perfect example of why. Some things were taught, some words were exchanged, some lessons were given and aside from the actual fighting bits, I will use everything I've learned today in my everyday life. This is why I fight. For the very selfish reason that it gives me strength to go through everyday things.
 Fun is also a big part of it, I admit.

Lessons Learned

Got home from Borealis a few hours ago. I haven't been this sore in a loooong while. But this is the good kind of sore. There's a bit of injury sore but a lot of good fighting sore. It's been a while since I fought this much. I stopped when my body told me to armour down, but my head still wanted to fight. I listened to my body (for once). I've learn so much. Not only fighting techniques but also a couple of good pep talks that helped me get my mind in the right place.

The first lesson I need to work on is patience. I need to give myself time to learn. Time to understand. Time to heal. I need to stop comparing myself to people who learned how to fight when I was learning how to walk. I can't learn something today and expect to master it yesterday. Once I manage to get that through my skull, things will get better.

I need to work on movement. That's a work in progress, been working on it for a year. But something clicked this weekend. It's clearer. Much clearer. When this becomes a habit, power generation will be easier.

Power generation. Closely related to movement. I've been told that some of the shots I thought were light were actually pretty decent. The opponent's armour will greatly affect how I feel how the shot landed. I feel a bit stupid that it took me that long to learn this but.. Now I know. But still, most of my shots are light and I've taken notes on a couple of drills that will help me generate power.

Gaging. I was always strongly suggested, as a newish fighter, to take every shot and let my opponent decide if it's good or not. That's stopping today. I will gage myself instead of letting others gage me. I know that I will not become thick, and if I do end up on that path, I know that I will have "the talk". 

Overall, I'm proud of how I fought this weekend. A lot of mistakes but with most mistakes came feedback and lessons that will help me get better. I'm more and more confident that I can do this. I will achieve my goals. I used to think it was an arrogant thing to say, but now I think it's a good thing. Having goals and believe in them shouldn't be a bad thing. I will break my walls.

Settling in

We have arrived to our new home a few weeks ago. This province is beautiful. I thought British Colombia was nice, but there's just something about Alberta that's extra special. Although I miss the ocean, the landscape here is hard to beat. I like learning about our new home. I know very little about the history and culture of this province and I'm quite ashamed of that, but that's how it goes when you're raised in a xenophobic, cry baby province. But it's also my fault for not taking the time to educate myself about this part of my country.

Even if I was given the thumbs up to fight from my doctor in Victoria, it looks like my shoulder wasn't really healed. But that's ok, I won't let that get to me, I'll work around the injury and I might even take the plunge and go under the knife. Scares the living shit out of me, but nothing gets between me and my fighting. If all fails, I'll be a shieldless shield maiden and find a different fighting style.

I went to Quad war. Met some pretty amazing people and reconnected with a couple of old friends. It very quickly felt like home. The culture is different here in Avacal. I like it.
The war itself was epic. There was a war scenario that I've never experienced with before and I found it pretty interesting. A boat battle where you have the invaders coming in and the settlers defending. A very period and realistic scenario. I started researching tactics about amphibious assaults and what could have been done differently and what would have been the period tactics. I remember briefly going through that in university so I'm hoping to find my books while emptying boxes.
Fighting in and around a castle was epic. It really adds to the experience.

Last weekend was the crown tournament. I wasn't able to fight due to my shoulder. I inspired. It was very strange to be on the other side of the ropes. The only other time I didn't fight crown, I marshalled. I felt restless and useless but I still very much enjoyed myself and I especially loved watching my fighter, Donnan, fight. His first fight was epic and he did great. He was aggressive and didn't backed down. His two other fights were also pretty good. He had very strong opponents who also fought amazingly. I'm proud of him and of how he fought, he did great. I was extremely honoured that Their Majesties gave me permission to inspire in the tournament. Rule says one must be part of the population for a minimum of 6 months to participate in a crown tournament. I'm honoured and thankful for the privilege and was touched by His words during procession.
I finally met my sister! And we had some fun playing Helga ball and making each other fall with tent poles and marshalling staves. We might have hit each other in the head too. I know my head hurt like a bitch on Sunday morning and it wasn't just the stargazer... I think we will give our Knight some grey hair.

I will go to my first practice this coming Sunday. I will take it easy for the sake of my shoulder. I will be mostly working on footwork and precision I think. A good thing about not fighting this past weekend is that I was able to watch a lot of fighting. There's a couple of things that I've seen that I want to try. This will also greatly help me in my A&S project. Some people in Avacal have a different stance from what I'm used to see and I think it helps balance the offensive/defensive factor very well. I'll need to experiment a bit but I think I may have found what was missing in my stance. It also helps that I have some pretty amazing and experienced fighters to talk stick with.

I also need a major tuneup on my armour.

I think the future will be pretty exciting and interesting.

Bra vind i ryggen er best

This is it. In just a few days, we leave for another kingdom.

When I first heard the news, I was sad. It felt like running into a wall at full speed. I didn't want to believe it. Part of me believed that An Tir, or at least Tir Righ, would be my forever home. 

I realized fast enough that being sad wouldn't change anything and that my only option was to stop whining and make the most of it. So I did. Now, I'm looking forward to find settlement in this brand new kingdom. Yes, I will miss my friends, but those that were meant to stay friends will and the others will move on. New friendships will be built and new ties made. I'm not one to turn down new adventures and new challenges. Bring it on.

I know that everything will change when it comes to fighting. With my husband home, I'll have more time to spend on training and I'm planning on putting full priority on that. I've lost a year due to two injuries and I have the intention to re-learn everything and adapt to my new limitations. I have no I intentions of giving up and who ever feels like stopping me better be ready to meet his Gods.

Something I'm looking forward to is snow. I haven't seen real snow in seven years. I missed it.

My next entry will be from the other side of the mountains. My journey continues.

Bra vind i ryggen er best

A fair wind at our back is best. 

From sheep to loom part 2

Hrútr was clean and dried and I bought some wool cards and wool combs. After a bit of research, I figured out that it's more likely that 8th-10th century scandinans used combs instead of cards but I'm still not entirely sure that they resembled the ones I bought.

None the less, I continued experimenting.

I loaded up my new combs with a bit of wool.

I took my time for this part. I'm still in a splint so instead of holding the comb in my left hand, I've put it under my thigh. I came close a few times to rip my leg open, but it's all part of the fun, right?

Wonderful grey cloud of fluff

It became a wonderful grey cloud of fluff! It was very pleasant to touch. Hard to believe that this fluffy grey cloud used to be so oily and dirty and.... Well... Sheepy. It's also very cool to see the colours blend. I purposely loaded my comb with white and black wool to see what it would do.

I didn't feel like stopping there so I took Hrútr for a spin. It was my first time using this spindle, my other spindle already has a project on it. It took me a bit to figure out how to use one with the whorl at the top. That reminds me, I'll have to research what kind of spindles were used...

It was very fun to spin! I was surprised how robust the yarn turned out to be. 

I'm really happy with how today's experiment went. I'll comb the rest of the small washed batch and I'll spin it.

I'll try to end up with different shades without using any dyes. I'll play with the hues of the fluff. Once I'll have enough, I'll warp and weave.

From sheep to loom part 1

So I'm starting to be very interested in textile and all that's related to it. I have this idea of trying weave something the most period way possible.

I'm at the learning, trial and error step.
I bought the shearing (I named it Hrútr), I believe it's from a Jacob sheep. I'll play with it a bit, try different methods for every steps.
Once I'm done practicing, I'll try to get my hand on a Gutefår shearing. If I can't, I'll substitute with a Orkney, Hebridean or Shetland.
I will card some of Hrútr's shearing but I still need to research on evidence of carding between the 8th and 10th century in Scandinavia and the Danelaw when I start the real project.
I'll try to grow some dye stuff, especially madder, weld, heather and woad.
After that, I'll use my soapstone spindle. I still need to research on how thin or thick yarn was spun.
For the weaving part, I'll build a period loom. As much as I looooove to weave on my inkle looms, it's not period. I'll also make a set of cards especially for that project. loom and cards will be built with modern tools kept to a minimum.
I will weave using a pattern based on a period trim. Most likely something from Birka.

If all this works, I might re-do it a third time but polish it, document it properly and enter it in a A&S competition some time.

========================
That being said, here's the adventure of Hrútr

Hrútr being all dirty

First soak
(using shampoo for now..
will research what was use in period)

After the first soak.

He's now at his 3 soak, getting cleaner and cleaner!!

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif

I was honoured with a song today! During closing court, I was called up to be serenaded but an epic bard. His song was very catchy and had the entire court signing along! It's hard to make me blush, he succeeded!

I am incredibly honoured by this song and I've asked Brother Emrys if he would be willing to sing it if I am knighted one day.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif

For Hlif Askelsdottir

From Brother Emrys of Lions Gate

May 10, AS 50

Once upon a time in the shire of Ramsgaard,

The Quest for the Golden Fleece,

Lords and Ladies came from miles around,

A truly nice and fancy feast

(Not the Cat food).

Arrows were-a-flying, the sounds of rapiering steel,

Though the combative arts seemed to draw mass appeal.

I met a noble fighter, said his name was Zach,

Who's like 5 foot 3 and poised to attack.

I said I like the way that he threw his throws,

He said "I Just learned it from watching a pro...."

Her name is Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif, Hlif, Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me. Me. Me.

He said "That woman scares me, She's shorter than I."

I said "I've heard the name, But mind if I pry?"

He said she was a monster with steel and Rattan,

With a cold dead stare,Which could kill any man.

Put an upset Berserker behind enemy shield wall,

And a half-a-dozen lives and she'll cleave through them all.

And with the sword-a-flying, The body count's rising,

And yet no one else got hurt,

And once she's satisfied her implaceable rage,

You'll find her napping in her yurt.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif, Hlif, Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me. Me. Me.

She's caused a great headache for Lions Gate,

But is so damn lovable she's really hard to hate,

But when she draws her sword, and she's ready to slay,

She's like that orange haired samurai from that one anime.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif, Hlif, Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me. Me. Me.

Now it's true my friends, this time doth end, 

Travels take her away,

To a far away land untouched by her,

Berserker, and their ways,

Though I admit, Sir William too, of the fact we'll miss her how,

She'll surely find an Eric 1,000 miles away,

For the trouble she's caused,

She's their problem now.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me.

Super Rabid Honey Badger Hlif, Hlif, Hlif!

...Please don't come and murder me. Me. Me.

May crown

Wow!

This event was made of awesome.

I didn't know that I could have this much fun even without fighting.

I will admit that if I would have had my armour... I would have fought. But I'm trying to be more mature about my injuries and I've learned by the experiences of other fighters that if I don't start taking care of myself now, I won't be able to fight anymore in 20 years. 

So! No fighting for my this weekend but I still learned a load of awesome stuff!!

I was authorized senior marshal and took the opportunity to marshal a bit. Fully aware that I am still pretty green, I made sure to tell my marshalling-partner that if he/she saw something wrong to tear me a new one. 

I got to see really really great epic fighters from way close and I got a few things I wanna try now.. I also got to see "the mind game" without myself being in mine. It's very interesting to see how everything changes when adrenaline kicks in. 

I've also made a few mental notes for my future A&S project. Now I just need to figure out how to word everything so that it makes sense... It's gonna be a hell of a challenge.

The list-peeps rocked!! I've never seen a tournament go that fast! Everything ran great! 

Waterbearers were epic! And there was a young Sgain MacBeighn look-alike that I swear was stalking me (thank you X10) and kept everyone super hydrated. An hydrated Hlíf is a happy Hlíf.

There was a lot of peerage elevations!! Congratulations to all! You are an inspiration. People look up to you and learn from you. There's no greater honour than to be a teacher.

We have a new Crown Prince and Princess. I've never met them but I've heard great things and I wish them an awesome reign.

If there's a lesson to take out of this weekend, it would be that teamwork is Da-shit. From setting pavilions to running a tournament, when everyone is on the same page and communication is respected, mountains can be moved.

The Journey Continues

When I started my journey, it felt like setting sail in a dark starless stormy night. I wasn't sure where I was going and I didn't really care. 

The first thing I found was a blade and a shield. With that came honour, courage and friendship. 

Fighting brought out something in me that I didn't know I had. It made me stand up, it gave me a voice, it forced me to get out of my comfort zone, it forced me to face some demons and most of all, it built my self esteem. 

What started out as a scary and dark journey soon became a Hell of a ride. Fairly early on my journey I met a Knight. I was advised by many to not look for a Knight so early on but... I do what I want. This particular Knight is, in my opinion, is the definition of what a Knight should be, in and out of society. I went against the advice of many and it was the best decision of my life. 

Fighting became a lifestyle. It became me, and at some point it defined who I was. A brother in arms, Taranis, made it clear that I was on a dangerous path and the boldness and honesty in his words made me take a step back and after reflexion I realized that he was right. Fighting does not define me, it's a huge part of who I am, but I could be more than that. I started looking at my options, looking at what else I could do, learn, contribute. I turned myself to service. I was already doing some service, but nothing huge. At that time, I've been branch marshal for a bit but it's a fairly easy job. I like helping, I don't like to see people struggle. I decided to autocrate an event and I think it went fairly well. I started looking at the Pelicans. Many caught my eye but I was looking for someone who would understand my goals. Understand that fighting is my priority and that I question a lot of things. I was also looking for someone that my Knight would approve of. After thinking about it for a long time and after observing a certain pelican, I decided to be bold and I tested the water. Water was good...

Out of society, my life is pretty chaotic at the moment. I am moving away from my familiar shores. Moving away from where my courage was born. Away from my friends. Away from the people I love to fight and learn from. 

This weekend The Berserker and I went to an event in Fjordland. We were received with exceptional hospitality by Argolia and Snaer. An unfortunate accident that happened last weekend prevented me from pushing myself in the eric but every fighter fought me honourably. The people from Fjordland were very welcoming. The Berserker received her Silver Spark and took the opportunity to mention her intention in becoming a princess one day. I was made ambassador by Their Highnesses. My Knight gifted me with the most beautiful blade and spoke very touching words. It was hard to stay strong and my eyes water just by thinking about that moment.

I was taken as protégée by Baron Uilliam.

I am extremely honoured that he decided to go through with this relationship even if he knows that I will be moving away. I am also honoured that my Knight has no intention of releasing me and he made that very clear this weekend.

I've entered a largesse competition and I won. My personal favourite were the Roman wax-tablets!! I grabbed one for myself and I will be using it often.

The rest of the event was awesome but very emotional. I am sad to be leaving these shores but I excited to discover new ones. I don't feel very brave nor strong but I have many people believing in me that it gives me strength to face this challenge.

My journey does not end, it continues.

Heraldic and Scribal Symposium

So I went to an event today!

Been asking myself why I wanted to go to this event since I'm not a herald and I'm not a scribe and I'm not even sure what symposium means (yes yes, I will google it). 

Wow am I happy I went!!!!!

First of all, I got to cook!! I was asked to bake a couple of tourtières so I whipped out the century old family recipe and baked. It was a hit, got lots of compliments!

Second, I've asked my brother if he could babysit. Haven't had adult time (without the berserker being there) in for ever. He accepted. Sounds like she had a blast!! And I had a blast too!! Huzzah!! She joined me in the evening for the feast and she was a very nice and calm girl. Royal charmer too,

Third! So I learn there was gonna be fighting. I wasn't feeling awesome so marshalling sound like a good plan.... So that being said, I fought. Didn't have my gear so I borrowed stuff. Side note: I was wearing a late period Scottish dress... Not easy to fight in a rib crushing bodice!!!

Fourth: ZOMG the food!!

Fifth: Very awesome dancing.

And most importantly Sixth: I got to see lots of my favorite people today. The more I see those people, the more I love them.

Moral of the story: ALWAYS have your armours with you, cuz you know you'll end up fighting anyways.

And tomorrow!!!!! Fight practice!!!!!! 

Daffodils!!

What a great event!

Managed to finish 2 garbs the night before. They are not awesome, but they are functional.

Applied for sergeant and gallant. Gave Her Excellency a shield where I painted my scroll on. I tried to compromise persona with what was asked. 10th century Danes didn't make scrolls like you will find in later period. So couldn't really go with a fancy calligraphed scroll. The compromise is in the writing. I've use the Elder Fuþark to write it, but went with the modernized system where each English letter is associated with a rune.

I fought! Both tourneys! So yeah, I think I'm back in the game for real now. Fought in chainmale. Different!!! But I like it! And man was I glad to have padding!!!

I had a crew of awesome people keeping an eye out on The Berserker. It was great to be able to have so me time. To just me concentrate on my passion and be all mind in what I was doing. It's been months since that was possible. I'm spoiled by my friends.

I've had some stick time with my Knight. I have a few things on my plate that I'll work on at practice. Once my body decides to do what my mind wants to do, my game will become interesting.

I've finally met my Great-Grand-Father!! He's epic in so many ways. Can't wait to see him again.

Got lots and lots of hugs from my squire brother. Should last me until the next event.

I was dragged out of court!!!! AGAIN!!! I was simply showing the awesome gift my Knight gave me to Her Excellency of Lions Gate and two goons tried to kidnap me!! This won't end there. It's twice they've done this now.. Come this summer, I'll be drinking my mead out of a skull....

After I managed to fight my way back to court, I was called forward by Their Excellency of Seagirt was given a Narwhal. The Order of The Narwhal is to commend and recognize warriors for their skill, honour, armouring and teaching. I'm amazed by this. I'm in my third year of fighting, been master of stables for 17 months. Yes, I'm putting a lot of efforts in making practice happen, but I didn't think I was at a narwhal level. I love fighting. I love running practice. Fighting means a lot -A LOT- to me. It brought me to life. I like to share this amazing sport with others. It tests you, it test your limits. It teaches you things about yourself. It makes your mind stronger. It makes you doubt yourself but it also makes you believe in yourself. It builds self-confidence. You get to meet great people that turns into family. It brings people together. It makes you cry with frustration but also from happiness. It forces you to reach that much further. It clears your mind. It's empowering. Fighting made me a better person. It made me a stronger person. And I didn't even talk about the physical part!! We all have different reasons for doing what we do. Receiving recognition because you do what you love to do is pretty awesome.

Not too long after, the Prince and Princesses called me up! I was given an Étoile D'Argent. The Order of the Étoile D'Argent is given for art and sciences efforts done to further the Principality. Again, being recognized for doing something you love is pretty great! I started inkle weaving last year and tried my hand at card weaving a few months after. I did a couple. Got injured fighting, needed to keep busy, so I warped up. A lot. Next thing I know I'm selling trim. I'm seeing for step up garbs.. I'm learning more patterns, more techniques. I'm researching period techniques, period colours. I love it. 

Had a nice meal, chatted with a couple of my favourite people during the feast.

Danced a few with a good friend.

Now home. Thinking that tomorrow is gunna be a very relax day. I pushed myself, in a good way. My body is tired, sore, stiff. But my head feels like I just woke up from a very restful sleep.

Now bed.

A light at the end of the tunnel

I was starting to think that the second half of 2015 and 2016 so far were not playing nice at all. But I think the shit storm is almost done!

With the military hitting pretty hard on our family with hubby living elsewhere since last June, my injury from AT war... That I stupidly aggravated at Odin's playground and SST... Putting me out of armour for months!!! With the kid not dealing well with daddy not living with us. The possibility of being posted out but not sure when, where and if. With the washer dying when we're both buried deep in gastro... Twice. With surprise internal bleeding....

I was starting to wonder who the hell did I piss off.

But now the kid is calming down. Her school is going well. My leg is healed. We have a washer and no more gastro. We're pretty sure that if we get posted out its going to be in Avacal, but there's also unofficial rumours going around that strengthen our possibilities of staying here. And the confirmation that the surprise bleeding is not cancer. There's a light at the end of the tunnel!

The storm is over, we survived, now it's my turn to raise havoc. 

It's going to be strange to start fighting regularly. I wasn't excellent when I've injured myself but I know that my brain thinks I'm going to start back where I left. I'm going to have to start my mind game all over again. 

I know myself. I know I'll be angry at myself for not being where I think I should be. I know I'll beat myself up. I know I'll compare myself to everyone at practice. I know it's wrong but I'll still do it. I'm like that. I just need to not discouraged myself. I also need to not be stupid and injure myself again.

Time to get up and kick some asses.

Mending

So! I was in armour today.

I wasn't at my favourite event, but I was in armour.

I even sorta fought.

And I sorta sucked.

But, I was in armour and I had my sword and shield in hand and it felt good. Like an internal hug. Like some invisible force telling me "calm your tits, it's gonna be alright".

I did what my body let me do. I pushed a bit, but not as much as my head wanted to push.

My leg burned, but that could be from the muscles not used to fighting anymore.

My belly was in pain. I used my core muscles (like I should) and it felt like giving birth. But I kept fighting. It's not an injury, I won't break it, it's just internal bleeding. 

I didn't fight well, but I fought. 

I want my groove back. 

I want to make my Knight proud.

I want to make my Knight's lineage proud.

I want to make my Squire siblings proud.

I want to make who ever is willing to take me as a student in other disciplines proud.