Stick day

So fight practice tonight!
My strategy for tonight is simple. Concentrate on laying shots good, clean, crisp and precise. Concentrate on power generation. Focus on body movements and not worry to much about speed for now. Tonight I dissect my shots and I correct what ever is not working. One drill that really helped me a few months back is the one where one fighter makes a shot and stops, the other one blocks and lays a shot and stops, the first fighter blocks and lays a shot and so on. It forces me to slow my mind a bit and see openings and it also teaches me what my body can do or not. And eventually, the mind stops and you start blocking and laying shots without thinking about it. I haven't done that drill in a long long while. I have a hard time doing slow warm ups, my head sees openings and I speed up and it fucks up the drill. That drill really forces me to calm down and focus.
So we'll see how that goes.


I've pre-registered for Ursulmas. I've been looking forward to this tourney since I left the site. Ursulmas last year was a huge eye opener for me. It's the first time I've fought with other people than those that I practice with at home. I had the snot beated out of me and my ass handed to me every single time I stepped in the eric. But each time I got out, my opponents taught me something, they told me what I did wrong, what I should have done and what I did right.
I've met other female fighters too and we spoke a lot on what was different about the way we think and the way we fight compared to men. What really really surprised me is that I got along just fine with them and some of them I still have contact with and we meet in the erics from time to time. I usually don't get along with other girls. I never understood why, it's almost animalistic, I simply just don't get along with other women, especially not women that just beat the shit out of me. Well Ursulmas changed that. I had the same connection with them than I had with the male fighters and my relationship with women changed since then. Don't get me wrong, there's still some females that I can't stand, but I don't think that it's because they are females, it's because they are bitches.

Last year, I only knew a handful of people there, those from the barony who went. I pretty much kept to myself. I was very shy. A lot of people tried to talked to me but I was hesitant and afraid to be judged. When I went back to the hall I curled up on my sleeping bag and read or slept, avoiding people.
This year I want to meet people, I want to share, I want to talk, I want to hangout.



Let's see how this practice goes!

Today, I forgot how to fight...

Fight practice today.
I was sooooo excited and sooooo primed up! I felt great,  I was focused and preped up!
Aaaaaaaand I sucked. Big time.
My mind was there,  my head saw all the openings, knew where to go, where to hit, what to block. But my body just decided that today was not a good day. No clue why. I wasn't in pain, for once!!! It felt like my first day in armour.

When I felt that my excitement and joy was being replaced by frustration and anger,  I popped my helm off and reflected on myself. I was so mad at myself for sucking. Then it hit me that this wasn't the first time it happened. And the other time it did, I just fought and focused and practiced and eventually it unlocked something and I was on a roll again. I know that this time isn't any different. But the more it goes, the harder it is to unlocked what ever is blocking. It as to be normal, right? After my few minutes meditating on the problem I went back for a few fights and even if I wasn't any better, my joy and excitement was back. Next practice will be better.

What bothers me the most about this is disappointing people. I'm used to disappoint myself. Disappointing others as a bigger impact. What if my mentors think I'm not trying hard enough? What if they think I don't care? What if I let down the people that look up to me for inspiration?  What if the people that inspires me think I'm not worth it? And worst of all, what if my Knight thinks I'm useless and am not worth is time and effort anymore?

Ursulmas is the weekend after the next. I NEED to unblock. My last tourney wasn't all that good, I dont want this to become a habit..... and I wont let this become a habit. I dont want to disappoint anyone.

One thing for sure, this was the last time I take 5 practices off. I don't care if it's Jul or Ostara or Walpurgis or any other sacred holiday.... no more breaks.

Wednesday practice; I will own my fights.

Strength

Still very much haunted by this song.


Strangely enough, Heyr himna smiður was written by a devout christian and the lyrics easily prove that. But it took over 700 years for someone to write the melody and it's the melody that touches me. I haven't heard much music by Þorkell Sigurbjörnsson, but if his musical arrangements are all similar to this one, I'm a fan.

 I'm a sucker for minor keys to start with.

The most powerful feeling this songs brings out in me is Strength. But not the physical type of strength. The Strength that comes from inside. The one that makes you stand firm but not unbending. The one that makes you hold a broken friend without breaking yourself. The one that makes you lift someone without sinking. The one that makes you submit without loosing will. The kind of Strength that heals others, not the one that hurts even if it could if you would let it.

The feeling is very similar to what it feels like to lay in the grass at night, far from a city and look at the sky and the stars, feeling the wind on my skin and realize how tiny, yet significantly strong we can be if we find the courage to stand.

It's a strange feeling to describe, really, and I'm probably not making any sense.

I made a doll!

I've been wanting to try my hand at making dolls for a little while now but I A) didn't have the time and B) Didn't have any inspiration.
The Berserker is in her Disney Princess phase and she asked me if Cinderella could be a viking princess! And that gave me an idea. I would make a viking Cinderella doll!
I only have the clothes left to do. I'll make her a little tunic and a hangerock using the colour palette that the Disney version wears.
I'm planning on making the other Disney Princesses.

The Way To Hel

I love to sing this song. It's a powerful one. I usually sing it when I'm alone or when the household is sleeping. I'm very shy of singing if front of people.
The poem at the end of the song is from the Poetic Edda, Hávamál. It quotes the Gestaþáttr, Stanzas 77.

"Deyr fé, 

deyja frændr, 

deyr sjálfr et sama; 

ek veit einn, 

at aldri deyr: 

dómr um dauðan hvern."

It roughly translates to:

"Livestock dies,

People die

You will die;

I know of one thing

That never dies:

The judgment of a dead man's life." 

This Stanzas will most likely be part of my next tattoo.

Who shall sing me
into the death-sleep sling me
When I walk on the Path of Death
and the tracks I tread are cold, so cold

I sought the songs
I sent the songs
when the deepest well
gave me the drops so touched
of Death-fathers wager

I know it all, Odin
where you hid your eye

Who shall sing me
into the death-sleep sling me
When I walk on the Path of Death
and the tracks I tread are cold, so cold

early in the days end
still the raven knows if I fall

When you stand by the Gate of Death
And you have to tear free
I shall follow you
across the Resounding Bridge with my song

You will be free from the bonds that bind you!
You are free from the bonds that bound that you!

Commission is done!!

TADAM!!!!!!

The Berserker in Armour

HUZZAH!!!!! Practice started again!!
Brought The Berserker!